A Glimpse into Awakening

The past year has brought immense healing and growth. Some of the hardest moments of life, in turn, allowed for discovery of new depths of being. Although difficult and not straight forward, this has been necessary soul work. I say soul work because there is no clearer way to describe the path of self development and discovery to me. I have diven deep into my needs and desires, bringing forth new awarenesses and revelations. 

It’s been a rollercoaster of a spiritual awakening path since 2016. It began with letting go of what was no longer serving me. Relationships, behaviours, and certain actions were not coming from a place of authenticity or love. I made the move from my job and home, in the small town I grew up in, and moved to a nearby city. I began a new relationship with myself, as well as with my partner. I felt so much potential in this city and this seemingly new life.

I started a new job and moved in with my partner. My hopes were that starting a new job in ICU, speaking a language that was not my primary, was going to push me into next level nursing, in an environment filled with learning potential. As much as I did learn and experience an abundance of new medical environments and healthcare challenges, I found myself drained from the harsh circumstances and experienced in this ‘intense’ setting. I came home crying many times, carrying the weight of the heavy ICU burdens. 

Then COVID hit. The harsh work environment turned even harsher. Driven by fear and unknowns, I was more burned out than willing to admit. 

As divine timing would have it, I received a call out of the blue from the regional cardiac hospital, asking if I would like a staff nursing position there. Needless to say I jumped on it and have been happily working at my ‘dream job’ ever since. 

This has been rather work related thus far, but during this time, I was getting to the bottom of who I really was. I was making time for reflection, growth, healing, learning, and curiosity. I was reading books by authors whose stories spoke to me. This lit a fire inside and gave inspiration that there was surely, more to be had in this existential life. Eckhart Tolle, Gabby Bernstein, Rebecca Campbell, Glennon Doyle, Elizabeth Gilbert, Judi Holler, Louise Hay, Nicole LePera, Cara Alwill Leyba, Gabor Mate, to name a few, were speaking of more meaningful, fuller things in life. Difficult, profound and passionate lessons about living, learning, healing and growing. Ultimately expanding into the person we were born to be. The awakening work I had done helped immensely once personal hardships and grief hit. This is when I was most grateful for having the practices, tools, and willingness to surrender to what is. Navigating with grace, resiliency and inner power. Humans are extremely capable that way.

It took many years to shed the layers and conditioning brought upon from childhood, adolescence, and my younger adult years. This is where awareness comes in. It takes observation of your reactions and habits. What is making me react with such fire? I began exploring and getting curious about this.

I am privileged enough to have started therapy to help sort out trauma and suppressed emotions during this growth process. I was willing to face the emotional damage that had occurred in the past, affecting me in the present day. I learned that in order to move on and clear away old traumas, you must first face them, and most of all, face the suppressed emotions that come along. Giving yourself space to feel into these events and associated feelings. It may not be easy or pretty (a lot of ugly crying, even), but in my opinion, it is necessary. Otherwise, these emotions get suppressed and come up in unhealthy, unexpected, and unsettling ways. 

This process has become much clearer in hindsight, as it often is. There was a lot of cleaning up to do. And still is. The more work I put into myself and stepping into my wholeness, the more fulfilling life becomes. I have been discovering my passions and what truly lights me up inside. I have been following these nudges and listening to what my soul has been calling, begging for even. 

This is not always a glamorous journey. But there are moments of glimmering light throughout. It is taking time to recognize and celebrate when things are going well. Gratitude baby! When are you most in your power? What activities or people bring out the best in you? Do more of that. 

I am dedicated to carry on this awakening, because life is short and fleeting. Our bodies are limited to the reality of time. Take the time to discover your luminous self. Power. Beauty and freedom to be you. ALL of you. Without the filters. Ok maybe some instagram filters, but that’s it. No more altering who you are for the sake of others. Worrying about how they will feel or what they will think. You only have so much capacity to take on thoughts and feelings. Keep it personal. Deal with you and let the rest fall. With the exception of being there for those you love, of course. But that is usually a balanced relationship. Equal giving and taking. This may need some boundary work, and that is certainly something I have recently started practicing. It stings, it hurts, and it does not come easy. But ultimately, it is standing up for yourself and what you have earned and deserve.

Create a fortress within.

You are worth it!